I haven't posted in a while on this blog and don't feel guilty about it either. I will not surrender to the mental prodding of self-induce obligation to jot down reflections on everyday life when it is the very state of grace that is needed...
At the beginning of this particular journey, I was riding a tide, a tidal wave of emotions, mixed emotions, of promises and dreams, of the wondrous nature of the unknown. In fact it was a fear of the unknown at first which transformed through proclamations, into reveling in that which is undefined and unknowable - to celebrate the future as it was.
Yet, even in the chaos of emotions and unanswered tidings, there was a certain "state of grace" that was present. It permeated the pores of time itself it seemed, circumnavigating through the ethereal world and back into the here and now, doubling back onto itself, folding, multiplying its intensity with each fold, getting thicker. There was a thickness to the state of being graceful, graceful not just in the mere mechanics of action and movement, but graceful in its very state of being, of how it takes up space, displacing molecules of air, of space itself, affecting even parallel as well as alternate universes.
It is this very essence which provides for the catalyst to think, absorb, process and feel, and to write, that which is undefinable in mere thought and feeling. It was as if, "someone" or "something" was listening. There was a collector for all that was shared, an audience, which through some form of magic, was affected, responded, applauded, and "shared back". Oh, what a magical mirror it seemed...what a magical mirror indeed it seemed...
As I drew nearer and nearer to my destination, I was feeling the angst of arrival for it beckoned, like a magnet...but all of a sudden, a switch was thrown. A word spoken, out of place, a breath exhaled bearing of such poison...a hair out of place, a feather plucked and deviated from it's meandering path it seemed...and the grace was gone...and I coasted the rest of the way...floating...
As if the pendulum swung in the opposite direction, and grace, with all it's incredulity and misconceptions, walked away...walked away from where it belonged. The audience...gone, the circus of the ridiculous has ended and the tent is silent...a mere shell once again...
* * *
I had lunch with my sister today and she tought me a very valuable lesson. It is a lesson I am quite familiar with, but through the course of time and our meanderings in the tall rye fields, we sometimes forget which direction we were originally going and we lose our way, stumbling blindly this way and that. Leave it to my sister to point up, yes up, in the sky and say, "Hey Joe, look up at the stars, and you shall find your way again." She had just returned from her travels to Thailand, which was partly funded by my bank account by the way and through hindsight was quite the wise investment, even though it was through sheer brotherly obligation and also genuine love for my sister. She wanted to tell me of her travels and I was excited and giddy with anticipation - I was her audience for her far away exotic traveling circus.
We were then approached by a homeless woman who at first, graciously asked for change so that she can get something to eat. I had just returned back to our table from paying our lunch check at the register and had given my last change as tip in the tip jar, so I graciously, told the woman that I didn't have any more change, and offered her what little pita bread we had remaining on our plates. She then proceeded to chide me for offering her actual food which she denounced explaining how I could be so "stupid" (quote, unquote) as to actually offer her food when "everyone knows" that her original request was just a figure of speech. I then reacted, or through the mechanics of mental triggers proceeded to fall prey to the onset of negative stimuli and over reacted by becoming verbally belligerent and returned profanity volleys back at the woman. This made the woman turn and walk away, though still reciting her repertoire of insults albeit under her breadth and to herself (as she is prone to being her own audience I imagined).
My poor sister, witnessing such cantankerous behavior from her older brother who should be the wiser, especially in his years and having always looked up to me - I see it in her eyes, when she casts that idolizing gaze at me, how she looks to me for approval and support. And here I am, in uncontrollable ungracious fervor.
She then proceeded to tell me of the wonders of her travels, but more the wonders of the people of Thailand. She said that Thailand is full of some of the most gracious peaceful loving people she has ever witnessed. She went on to explain that most of the people avoid conflict by sheer graciousness. Instead of anger, they exhibit the opposite by showing quiet understanding, compassion, and just pure states of grace. When confronted, deceived, or wronged in some way, they do not react negatively, but act positively to correct that which is misdirected, for there is always a communication breakdown, a misunderstanding of some form or another - ALWAYS. There is no perfect interface between two individual minds...and never will be exactness in the transference of thought.
I then realized that I had over reacted with full force, and to what end? To intimidate, to punish, and surrendering to the belief that compassion will never "fix" a person or a situation. How wrong...how utterly wrong and dangerous this thinking is. If the whole world reacted in this manner, our civilization would be doomed. If families engaged in this form of behavior, those families would be doomed...if a person "thrives" in the intimidation of others even in the justification of punishment, that person is doomed...and their soul is doomed...I should have reacted with...or rather, continued exhibiting graciousness, and not reacting. Always, always ask yourself, what is the gracious thing to do? That is the third tie-breaker litmus test to administer.
As I heard these words coming from her, I almost felt the wind change direction, the pendulum has reached it's cursory zenith at one end, and began to make it's journey down the other direction...and it clicked...of course, that is the way of the world. That is the state of grace that I needed to hear. No longer focusing on that which is crying for negative reaction. No longer a slave to what could have been, or how alternate realities could have transpired. It is through the sheer act of graciousness that is the answer. What epiphanies have dawned on this simplest of states of being, what religions could have spawned on this moral dilemma answered? In fact, though some exhibit just the opposite of this, through vindictive, vile words used specifically to maim and to destroy and the sheer joy and hunger for the very destruction wished upon others, do not resort back with verbal abuse, negativity, or even anger for it is poison to graciousness. Rise above the fog of hatred, and clearly see it for what it is...just troubled souls vying for reaction...and react, in turn, with no reaction...react with love and pity...for it is they who are suffering...that is the state of grace...
...and it is inherent in the soul of the individual...
She then proceeded to tell me of the wonders of her travels, but more the wonders of the people of Thailand. She said that Thailand is full of some of the most gracious peaceful loving people she has ever witnessed. She went on to explain that most of the people avoid conflict by sheer graciousness. Instead of anger, they exhibit the opposite by showing quiet understanding, compassion, and just pure states of grace. When confronted, deceived, or wronged in some way, they do not react negatively, but act positively to correct that which is misdirected, for there is always a communication breakdown, a misunderstanding of some form or another - ALWAYS. There is no perfect interface between two individual minds...and never will be exactness in the transference of thought.
I then realized that I had over reacted with full force, and to what end? To intimidate, to punish, and surrendering to the belief that compassion will never "fix" a person or a situation. How wrong...how utterly wrong and dangerous this thinking is. If the whole world reacted in this manner, our civilization would be doomed. If families engaged in this form of behavior, those families would be doomed...if a person "thrives" in the intimidation of others even in the justification of punishment, that person is doomed...and their soul is doomed...I should have reacted with...or rather, continued exhibiting graciousness, and not reacting. Always, always ask yourself, what is the gracious thing to do? That is the third tie-breaker litmus test to administer.
As I heard these words coming from her, I almost felt the wind change direction, the pendulum has reached it's cursory zenith at one end, and began to make it's journey down the other direction...and it clicked...of course, that is the way of the world. That is the state of grace that I needed to hear. No longer focusing on that which is crying for negative reaction. No longer a slave to what could have been, or how alternate realities could have transpired. It is through the sheer act of graciousness that is the answer. What epiphanies have dawned on this simplest of states of being, what religions could have spawned on this moral dilemma answered? In fact, though some exhibit just the opposite of this, through vindictive, vile words used specifically to maim and to destroy and the sheer joy and hunger for the very destruction wished upon others, do not resort back with verbal abuse, negativity, or even anger for it is poison to graciousness. Rise above the fog of hatred, and clearly see it for what it is...just troubled souls vying for reaction...and react, in turn, with no reaction...react with love and pity...for it is they who are suffering...that is the state of grace...
...and it is inherent in the soul of the individual...
